Your hens aren't coming to your hen do!! Who's in the wrong here?
Hen do's are the occasions where you get together with your closest female friends and family members and celebrate the end of single life and the start of married life. They are happy, fun events that you will as a bride treasure forever ..or are they? Many brides have wonderful hen do's that go without a hiccup but that's sadly not the case for all and many brides are increasingly finding they're losing friends over hen do arrangements.
Why do these problems arise and what can done to avoid them?
Hen do holidays and weekends are the biggest source for contention, largely due to the expense.
I have my own experience of hen dos over the years and have declined just one which required the expense of a weekend away. Not because I didn't treasure or value my friend but because I treasured and valued my children more and if I did have any spare cash (these were tough times) I'd be spending it on them.
Hen do celebrations have become increasingly lavish expensive affairs where brides want to celebrate abroad with a short holiday or having a fun-filled weekend away in the UK. For single guests with no children and disposable income this is often not a problem and they will jump at the chance to celebrate with you and for you.
But for your more settled guests who have families, commitments, money worries (debts) who don't have a lot of disposable income this can be an expense they're not prepared to or able to accommodate even with the suggestion they start saving up for it (which I personally find offensive).
If you've arranged holidays or weekends away and have found guests not available or willing to come, it is likely they can't for the reasons stated above, that it isn't their priority at that time. They have other more pressing things that need their attention.
2. Lots of events coming up
If your hen happens to have a lot of invites to hen do's or other events this will also affect their availability to attend your event and of course is another cost issue. They can't ‘save' for all these events.
3. Not close enough
The hens you are inviting may not feel close enough to you to warrant the expense or committment. Try to be realistic about this and don't take it to heart.
Some hens will decline due to childcare issues. If you are a bride who hasn't yet had children, you may not understand the issues involved (too many to mention here) so be as patient and understanding as you can and trust that the mums reasons are sincere.
5. It's not their thing
Your idea of a good time may not match one or two of your hens ideas of a good time. You'd like them to put aside their personal discomfort to make an extra special effort for you at this time. Don't worry most will!! But some may not. This may make you feel like they can't bothered and you'd be right. … see item 3. Liking you may not be enough for them to spend an evening, day or weekend squirming, cringing and feeling rotten.
Hen do etiquette – it's not all about the bride WTF?
It's called a hen-do and not a bride-do for a reason. This celebration is about you and your hens not just you. Your friendship and relationships will change after marriage. It's a maturing process as other things take priority in your life; your new husband, your home, children. As such you're not just celebrating the fact you are getting married (you do that at the wedding) you are having one final fling with your closest female friends and family members before things ‘change'. As such it is a joint celebration and if you want it to be enjoyed by all, consult with your hens about how best to celebrate.
As the bride you will of course have the final say 🙂 but do weigh up how much you want your hens there over the venue or event type you'd prefer.
Let us know your thoughts on the opinions expressed above? Do you agree or strongly disagree? Share your thoughts and experiences in comments.
In the USA a hen do is known as a bachelorette party. Bachelorette's will of course encounter the same dilemmas expressed here so please do share!