Falling out with friends over Hen do bachelorette party arrangements

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Your hens aren't coming to your hen do!! Who's in the wrong here?

hen do falling out with bridesmaids

Hen do's are the occasions where you get together with your closest female friends and family members and celebrate the end of single life and the start of married life. They are happy, fun events that you will as a bride treasure forever ..or are they? Many brides have wonderful hen do's that go without a hiccup but that's sadly not the case for all and many brides are increasingly finding they're losing friends over hen do arrangements.

Why do these problems arise and what can done to avoid them?

  1. Cost

Hen do holidays and weekends are the biggest source for contention, largely due to the expense.

I have my own experience of hen dos over the years and have declined just one which required the expense of a weekend away. Not because I didn't treasure or value my friend but because I treasured and valued my children more and if I did have any spare cash (these were tough times) I'd be spending it on them.

Hen do celebrations have become increasingly lavish expensive affairs where brides want to celebrate abroad with a short holiday or having a fun-filled weekend away in the UK. For single guests with no children and disposable income this is often not a problem and they will jump at the chance to celebrate with you and for you.

But for your more settled guests who have families, commitments, money worries (debts) who don't have a lot of disposable income this can be an expense they're not prepared to or able to accommodate even with the suggestion they start saving up for it (which I personally find offensive).

If you've arranged holidays or weekends away and have found guests not available or willing to come, it is likely they can't for the reasons stated above, that it isn't their priority at that time. They have other more pressing things that need their attention.

2. Lots of events coming up

If your hen happens to have a lot of invites to hen do's or other events this will also affect their availability to attend your event and of course is another cost issue. They can't ‘save' for all these events.

3. Not close enough

The hens you are inviting may not feel close enough to you to warrant the expense or committment. Try to be realistic about this and don't take it to heart.

4.  Childcare

Some hens will decline due to childcare issues. If you are a bride who hasn't yet had children, you may not understand the issues involved (too many to mention here) so be as patient and understanding as you can and trust that the mums reasons are sincere.

5. It's not their thing

Your idea of a good time may not match one or two of your hens ideas of a good time. You'd like them to put aside their personal discomfort to make an extra special effort for you at this time. Don't worry most will!! But some may not. This may make you feel like they can't bothered and you'd be right. … see item 3. Liking you may not be enough for them to spend an evening, day or weekend squirming, cringing and feeling rotten.

Hen do etiquette – it's not all about the bride  WTF?

Popular Bachelorette Party SuppliesIt's called a hen-do and not a bride-do for a reason. This celebration is about you and your hens not just you. Your friendship and relationships will change after marriage. It's a maturing process as other things take priority in your life; your new husband, your home, children. As such you're not just celebrating the fact you are getting married (you do that at the wedding) you are having one final fling with your closest female friends and family members before things ‘change'. As such it is a joint celebration and if you want it to be enjoyed by all, consult with your hens about how best to celebrate.

As the bride you will of course have the final say 🙂 but do weigh up how much you want your hens there over the venue or event type you'd prefer.

Let us know your thoughts on the opinions expressed above? Do you agree or strongly disagree? Share your thoughts and experiences in comments.

In the USA a hen do is known as a bachelorette party. Bachelorette's will of course encounter the same dilemmas expressed here so please do share!


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Getting married – what can possibly go wrong?

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The best day of your life or the worst?

Inviting children to weddings

stressful weddings problems that ariseThey do say there is no pain without gain but should that be the case when you're getting married?

Without putting too much of a downer of your perfect day below are some of the reasons that can make planning a wedding a nightmare. The sad thing about this is that your wedding should be one of the most special and memorable days of your life, but with the stress leading up to it and the stress of the day, many brides find they're glad when it is all over.

That is no way to feel when you've spent an arm and a leg and sold your grandma to pay for it all!!

Let's look at the horrors of wedding planning and then with your help (reply in comments) we can help brides-to-be avoid their wedding day being the worst day of their life.

Harassment over the date

“Have you set a date? Don't leave it too late. We can't come that day can you have it another day? Why are you having it in winter?”

Once you've announced your engagement you will be asked about the date of the wedding on every encounter with family and friends. This becomes a real problem when you don't want to share the date with people you don't want to invite but you know will want to be invited. Being evasive is a skill – have you got what it takes?

The guest list

Unless you're lucky like me (or unlucky depending how you look at it) and you only have a handful of friends and family, you will not be able to invite everyone who may want an invite to the wedding. Or you may be able to invite the couple but not their children. There is no possible way to keep all the people happy all the time and this is one of those times.

There will be people who didn't make the list, or made the reception do list and not the ceremony and sit down meal list who will not be happy. People whose 5 kids you've barely met will be unhappy they haven't been invited. People with young babies where the baby has not been invited to party till midnight will be unhappy and so on …

There will of course be lots of happy guests who appreciate how difficult this ‘list' is and will accommodate the invite happily. It's not all doom and gloom. Just prepare yourself for this eventuality and ensure all invitations include the details of exactly who is invited and in the case of kids – who is not. Good luck!

Read our separate article on inviting kids to weddings here.

Bridesmaids – waaaaaaaa I wanna be one

Your girlfriends will be scrapping to be your maid of honor or a bridesmaid and wo betide the wrath of the one you leave out! I wonder if men have the same problem re the Best Man?

Bridesmaid Dresses

color match bridesmaid dresses

Marsala Bridesmaid Dresses

Shopping for clothes can of course be fun, but shopping for identical clothes for various shaped bodies and tastes is not. There is not a single dress on this planet (prove me wrong 🙂 ) that suits all shapes of women and all tastes and preferences.

So .. what do you? In this modern wedding age, I think the best bridesmaids dresses (or trouser suits) are those that have a theme but are not restricted to being the same style, same length or even the same color. They can for example be within the range of that color, but all a tad different.

Far better to have happy and beautiful bridesmaids (not more beautiful than you mind!) than miserable bridesmaids who hate their dresses and hate the day as a result .. and look dreadful in photos.

What to pay?

A sensible bride and groom will get a few quotes from at least 3 wedding suppliers so they can compare services, products and client reviews with value for money. This is time-consuming and somewhat dull. Arggggghhhhhhhh. There will be a lot of stress re how much things cost and getting too passionate about what you want can make costs sky-rocket. Unless you want the stress of a wedding debt after you're married, be careful how you spend and do get those quotes. Don't be afraid to get creative and see what decorations, favors and other wedding items you may be able to handcraft yourself to keep costs down.

Too many chiefs

Teal lemon salmon wedding theme mood boardEveryone will have something to say about your dress, the wedding theme, the colors, the venue, the food ..everything. They will be giving lots of ‘helpful advice'. You may even have people making things for your wedding …even though you didn't ask them to and don't want them to!

They may insist on doing your flowers, your cake, giving you their used wedding dress. Family and friends may try to take over your wedding plans in many ways – be strong … say no!

Table Seating Plan

If you thought compiling the guest list was stressful that is nothing compared to deciding upon the table seating plan. Be careful who you leave in the ‘cheap seats' and off that top table!

Read our article on seating plans here for more on this.

Arguing with the groom to be

Many grooms kindly let the bride get on with doing things how she wants but not all. Be prepared to compromise and afterall it is his wedding too … right. 🙂

In conclusion

This ladies – is not an exhaustive list of things that can stress you out about your wedding day. But do not lose heart, those of us who've been there and done that (sometimes more than once) tend to recall the happier moments more and the photos and videos (all important) record those good times. There are a lot of happy couples who had a blast on their wedding day despite all these stressors.

Take it in your stride and be determined to make it a great day.


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